a little talk to myself

Last new year's eve, I thought that 2010 would be just another year. I had no idea 2010 would be a complicated one, and to be honest, I kinda feel overwhelmed. My careless mind sometimes think, what I've been through this year maybe more than another 23 years of my life, compiled into one. Too many bad news, ironies, life intrigues, mood changes, all went together with good news and hopes. I saw a lot, I learned a lot, but I realized that all these things may not be the biggest. Still, I haven't seen that much, and should learn more.

2010 goes really fast. I'd like to think, that these are another phase of life; a timeline which let me experience the world out there, accompanying me to grow older and wiser to finally live my own life maturely.

merry christmas

sketch another way

a raincoat

Someday, in a very heavy rainy season, you need a raincoat. You know someone who sells raincoats, telling you that she has any kind of clothes you need. You waited for days and suddenly she came out with a statement: "sorry, I don't have the raincoat. Would you like a jacket?" Tempted with the good design of the jacket, and a consideration that a jacket will also warm and protect you from the rain, you bought it. Guess what? It doesn't protect you from heavy rains.

You still need a raincoat.

20.10.2010

surreal

How does it feel to read this horrible news? And what if it happened to someone you know? What if you had to witness his dead body for the last time in its most terrible, unexpected shape just to make sure it was him?

How does it feel to be his friend? Family, parents and brothers?

I feel surreal. And dizzy.

visual note-taking

rest in peace

The funny thing about having so many relatives is that you won't recognize all of them. Once you gather, you'll be confused: who is who, which cousin is what, which in law is who, who is that? More over, once you met them again one day after years, you will fail to track the who-ness of who.

My cousin passed away last Friday and you will be surprised to know that she's 61. I'm 23. She was my cousin.

Rest in Peace, Mbak Nanik.

greeting cards

So these are probably the cutest things I've ever done in my life. And that birthday card was not made for a 5 years old little kid. It was in fact for a friend whose age is almost twice mine.

untitled

You know, sometimes we have no choice in living our days. Or, if there's any, then it may be a trap -at least it's what my cousin said; and I personally think she's true. So, with some other events that happened some previous episodes ago and some changes that distracted your faith you've been building the entire life, you may be cursing now. You're trapped in things you don't want to do, and you don't know how to sail your boat through this ocean of junks -which are things you once respected back then. You no longer believe in originals, for you've figured out that what they claimed as originals are actually not; you begin to do everything soulless. And while you're stiff-stated, suddenly you hear something you don't know how to react to. Should you be happy? But that would be very mean. And if you'd give your sympathy, it wasn't really from your heart. Oh.. the world.. It's always a soap opera, isn't it? Then you stop cursing. But you're not in peace anyway. Not yet. And this post isn't about architecture.

I am rambling now *dizzy head*

dirgahayu

"Dirgahayu Indonesia,

bangsa serta alamnya."

-Indonesia Negaraku (A. Simanjuntak)

I grow up with them

I've been living here in my neighborhood for nearly twenty years. I grew up walking the streets, watching my neighbors renovated their houses, seeing those kids who played in the field changing uniforms from year to year, and noticing the trees grew bigger. A friend said that those trees also surely noticed me grew, as I went to school everyday passing them, biking as a kid and sometimes driving as a grown up - which is true, I guess.

The Abduction of Shinta

Rama and Shinta were a pair of lovebirds who voluntary exiled to the earth from their kingdom, Ayodya. They were also escorted by Rama's faithful brother, Leksmana. While on earth, comforting each other from the sorrow they felt, they saw a lovely golden deer playing around. Shinta was fond of the deer, asked Rama to catch it. They had no idea that the deer conspired with the bad Rahwana who had always been wanting to kidnap Shinta, taking her as his lover.

Then Rama left, granted his wife's wish to search the golden deer. Leksmana guarded Shinta while Rama was away. Suddenly Shinta heard Rama's voice, screaming for help. The worried Shinta unwisely asked Leksmana to find the voice, thus save Rama. Concerned about Shinta's safety, Leksmana made a circle shield around Shinta before he left, not allowing Shinta to get out from it.

While Leksmana was also away, Rahwana came to abduct Shinta. He failed twice, bounced by the shield. Knowing Shinta's good heart, Rahwana then disguised as a poor man begging for a sip of water. Soon as Shinta left the circle, she figured out it was Rahwana now taking her to his place. The hopeless Shinta dropped her jewels so that Rama would find her.

Learned that Shinta had gone, Rama wouldn't say a word to Leksmana. He thought his brother was being careless or worse, didn't fulfill his obligation to protect Shinta. However they managed to find Shinta's dropped jewels and promptly followed the trace.

Meanwhile, Jatayu, Rama and Leksmana's loyal bird friend saw Shinta who was in danger. Jatayu tried to save her, fought Rahwana with all his power. He failed. The severely wounded Jatayu was found by Rama and Leksmana, told them what was happening and pointed the way to find Shinta. Then Jatayu died.

The angry and heartbroken Rama met a group of monkeys led by Sugriwa, the prince of apes, who were willing to help him, if only Rama would kill Subali, Sugriwa's twin. Rama agreed. The monkeys fought against Rahwana, and Rama arrowed Subali to death.

And then Shinta was Saved.

the reconstruction of Candi Sewu

travel sketches

six years after

I never really know how it feels to grow up. Maybe I'm not even the same person anymore.

Pics: four years old [left] and now ten years old [right] little brother. Grow good, dik :)

the international, finally

It was April 25th, 2009, I fell asleep watching the movie.

While I finally fully watched it on DVD -thanks to Bude Ellisa- I still didn't really get it. Too many characters and the story is really political. Hence, I read the plot on wikipedia.org and figured out that the main idea of this movie is simpler than what I thought. And it's true that the movie contains so many architectural scenes.

"Well, this is the difference between truth and fiction. Fiction has to make sense." - Wilhelm Wexler

expired

After all these long drives out of town (mention it. Solo, Tasik, Lembang, Bandung - now this one was secretly), breaking rules and speeding (fortunately) without getting caught, and after driving everyone else's cars (well, the rule-breakings were also with everyone else's cars), I just figured out that my driving license has actually... expired. since. last. october. And it nauseated me.

I'm really sorry, dear passengers. Which might include you. LMAO.

And don't worry because I've already had my renewed license just today hehe. I did a sketch actually, while queuing the process which felt like a thousand years. But my lame scanner is out of service, again. So. Will update later, I guess :)

update: above is my sketch on the location.

the author

Truman Capote (1924 - 1984) was an American author which works included Breakfast at Tiffany's. He's a narcist. He's not humble, he fell in love with himself and his works. He partied with his friends and talked about himself a lot. He loved to be the center of attention. He drank.

He's a unique personality, though. He was openly gay; not the muscularly macho typed, but the one who spoke in high pitch with strange pronunciation of vocals and dressed unconventionally: he would wore a feminine scarf, something that would potentially be laughed at when the wearer was a man, at that time.

One day in 1959 he read the newspaper and found an article about a murder of the whealty Clutter family and declared that he himself would do the research on that event, then made the story his next nonfiction novel. Accompanied by his best friend, Harper Lee (the author of To Kill a Mockingbird), he went to find the Clutter's family friend who found them dead, did some interviews and got underestimated by local police but finally with his charm and money grabbed the access to meet the suspects and unlimitedly visit them in prison.

Then he began to stuck in a strong bonding with one of the inmates, Perry Smith.

They figured out that they had a similar background as a child, shared stories about the past. Truman regularly visited Perry and gave Perry his writings. But there was one thing Perry wouldn't tell Truman: the detail of the murder.

It was all about the book, and not their relationship. Perry who had taken Truman as a close friend, got disappointed when Truman stop visiting him and went to Morocco and Spain with his partner instead to write the first three parts of the book. The disappointment was more emotional than material, for he thought the friendship was unconditional and sincere. He felt betrayed by the author.

Eventually, Perry agreed to tell Truman the detail of the murder. How he was told that there was 10.000 dollars inside the house, how he considered that Mr. Clutter was a nice gentleman right before Perry cut his throat and killed the rest, how he felt ashamed of himself, and how he only got forty or fifty box from the house. He said it all with no villainous look of a murderer; a frustrated, ordinary human instead.

When finally the execution day arrived, Truman was nothing but heartbroken. Perry had sent letter to Truman to visit him for the last time, saying goodbye. Truman did come on the last minute, unable to hide his pain over loosing Perry.

Truman watched Perry's hanging.

The next day Truman was seen in an airplane, looking at photos and writings inside Perry's private diary, and some drawings that Perry made, including a drawing of Truman's face.

-----

After the movie, Capote (2005). Truman Capote's book about the murder, In Cold Blood was published 1965. It was his last book.

Some had speculated that the relationship between Truman and Perry was actually romantic. The picture shown above is from Capote when Truman and Perry were in the police station, taking a mug shot of Perry (image source).

The movie quoted Truman's words after the execution:

"More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones."

envy

This is Alanis Morissette on a live concert in Barcelona, 2008. Image Source.

And I want that see-through guitar. Anyone?

may's weekends

It's June already X_X

While the time goes really fast, I had interesting weekends last May, actually. Some were very personal (or emotional?) and aren't meant to be shared here, but at least two other weekends are just too exciting to be kept.

On the 2nd weekend of May, I had a trip to Cibodas, with the big family. Right. The. Family. Uncles, aunties, nephews, cousins.. I thought this trip would be very boring and pretentious, while I need to greet everyone 'happily' all the time. I figured out that it wasn't that bad. The place was a National Park, and it's really stunning seriously. The ancient trees and huge plants, fresh air, great view, it was really refreshing. The other best thing was I didn't really need to 'greet everyone happily all the time' because this rare opportunity being in such place gave me excuse to freely leave the guest house where we all stayed hehe. Here are some sketches:

The next weekend, I had a chance to sketch an event called TEDx. Well. I don't really know how to describe the event, but it's kind of lecture/sharing/discussion. If you know an event named pecha kucha, then TED might be similar to it. The global tag line for the event is 'ideas worth spreading', and it presented key speakers, performers and videos from TED events across the globe. Kindly click www.ted.com for the true information about TED. Why I was there? It's because one of my friend was on the event's committee, and she had the idea to record the event through sketches. As you may have guessed, the sketchers were me and Galih. Haha. And by the way I really like how they called us 'sketch artists'. Sounds cool, doesn't it? Go to my flickr photostream for better view of the sketches.

And this is one of some videos they repeatedly played during the preparation and break. which is one of my favorite song and singer of all time.

p.s.: I really miss writing :(

the atheist philosopher

The amphitheater was full of scholars, the men of future, the seeds of leaders, derived from various cultural backgrounds. There beautifully stood Hypatia in front of all men, passionately shared what were known and unknown, the unsolved mysteries of the Earth. There sat Orestes among the proud scholars, admiring the stunning Astronomer, desiring her. Nobody had the idea that there, Davus, the Philosopher's slave, secretly soaked himself in all her teaching, secretly fell in love with his mistress.

Just outside the school, the Pagans and the Christians were mocking each other, ridiculing the opposites' gods. Both sides were arrogant, bragged their gods disgustingly. Both sides assumed that everyone who was not in their faith was wrong, then reserved the right to be punished; which was the reason why one day the Pagan felt the need to kill the Christians only to figure out that they're actually outnumbered, then hid in their great Library of Alexandria.

When the Roman authority finally declared that the Christians should be allowed to enter the Library, Hypatia knew that the sciences are in serious thread. The literatures, hypotheses, poems were about to be eradicated by the rage of angry Christians; not to mention the building, statues, the art.. Then she rushed to the rolls of scripts, saving the most importants as many as she could followed by her students and the slaves. While Davus the slave and his confused head helped nothing than wandering around to finally join the angry men, stated himself a Christian. A free man by then.

..........

Years went by and the world changed phase. The Pagan believers were then Christians, including Orestes who had become the Prefect of Alexandria. Then that the Pagans were outcasted, the conflict continued, with the Jews.

One day the Christians successfully attacked the Jews in a theater show on Sabbath day, only because it's Sabbath and they knew that the Jews wouldn't fight back. The Jews claimed the state of unfairness and disrespect on the attack while the arrogant Christians defensively argued that they should've been attending church on Sabbath instead of indulging themselves at the theater. Unable to win in the court, the Jews took revenge by spreading a fire hoax to trap the Christians in one room, then stoned them. The Christians' response to this was full of anger and hatred. Though their mouths said it's god's portion to punish the enemies, they cursed and screamed like mad dogs.

Davus, he grew up in a peaceful surrounding. His mistress didn't treat him as a slave but as a friend. 'Slave' was only an attribute given to him, only got him closer to Hypatia into her personal matters without being able to respond her casually: cleansing rituals, discussions, daily talks.. He never thought that the freedom he pursued was that cruel. He thought Christianity was about forgiveness and care, helping the poor and share as The Book said; not judgmental, narrow minded and even more, brutal. His head once again was full of conflicts as he began to question his so-called faith.

..........

While the world was under a political chaos and despite the new rule forbid her to teach, Hypatia's cravings for science stood still. Observing the stars, wondering the circle as a perfect shape, examining the orbits, and above all, wondering what they all mean.

She had no idea that the Bishop has a rough relationship with the Prefect, only because Orestes the Prefect didn't want to bow in front of their Holy Book after the Bishop stated that only men were considered honorable, no single woman had the right to speak her mind - moreover to teach, and no single woman had the right to show herself in public unless her body was fully cloth-covered, or she would be accused of witch craft. Orestes was still in love with Hypatia. The wise man of the religion deemed that Orestes' faith had been biased with his affection to the Philosopher, and the only way to save her was to have her christened, while the Christian monks outside had planned to kill her.

Davus heard the plan. He ran hard to her house, trying to warn Hypatia, just to figure out that she wasn't home.

Meanwhile at the Prefect's place, given the chance to rethink the rhetorical option, she stated thing that she'd been believing in.

"You don't question what you believe, or cannot. I must."

Soon, her life was at the verge of a catastrophe. Now fully aware of the risk she had taken, she walked home elegantly, refusing the offer of dedicated guards to escort her.

Davus was too late. The violent monks had found her, dragged her along the street to a church named Caesareum, ripped off her cloth, then prepared to execute her.

As the monks busy gathering stones to slay her, Davus secretly suffocated Hypatia so she wouldn't have to bear the pain of thrown stones. His heart was torn, memories flashed tearfully, regretfully.

Then died Hypatia, the uppermost, the supremest.

____________

from the movie Agora (2009), directed by Alejandro Amenabar.

a little time for myself

inside | outside

computer corner

featuring my 10 years old bro :)

an interesting space

I've been interested to - and ever since, wanting to draw - this photocopy service space near my house. I observe that this man has a very compact living + working space that includes everything he needs daily.

I went photocopy something this morning just so I can draw it :D

the life.

Slightly last year on an anonymous, ordinary day, I wrote on my old blog a gibberish issue about a common attitude of any ordinary people. It is: the sense of self that everything is going to be okay. The sense of self that if there's any disaster, misfortune, or any other bad luck, it's not going to be me; it's anyone else's matter. The sense of self that if there's something that the world need; a change, an improvement, a sacrifice, then it's someone else's responsibility but me. I gave examples about war, accident, crime, earthquake, homosexuality, philosophical thought. And the list continues to add with atheism, bankruptcy, crisis and so forth.

I presume this kind of things happen as an idealized vision of a life, of a family. Just see the image of a happy, nice family on any commercial ad broadcasted on television. A couple, having two nice kids, living in a sleek modern house, buying a new car, touring the neighborhood. Well this image may appear in a society as everyone's hope for a good living. For most, a life is simply being born, growing up and go to school, achieving good scores in any subject, going to a prestigious college, easily getting a job with the so called proper salary, getting married, having kids, getting old, watching the kids grow up, having grandchildren, then die peacefully. I don't judge here, that if you have such vision, then you're wrong, at all. But unconsciously we miss a lot of details that involve both external and internal factors and after all, seriously, life is not that simple.

Going home early, avoiding bad guys, doing everything on the straight line, over-protecting your kids, then you think everything's going to be alright? I don't think so.

The world is rough and cruel. Closing your eyes to everything you don't want is not the way to solve any problems. Intrigues. Pretenders. Heartaches. Greed. Syndicates. Just when you think your day is hard enough, you'll figure out that something bigger and meaner might happen to you the next day. And just when you think you're mature enough to face everything in your life no matter how old you are, please rethink.

keroncong tenggara

Last Friday me and two friends, Galih and Lalitia went seeing 'Keroncong Tenggara' performed at Salihara.

And I have to say nothing else. Very beautiful.

the sexiness of female wayang

I've never paid attention to any detail of a wayang, until one day I need to work with a design that involved the figure of wayang. The first thing I did was searched the image of some female wayang[s] and re-sketched them using my personal judgments and interpretations. I was never aware of what they are wearing, which body parts resemble what, which lines are what, until I finished my sketches.

Guess what?
I found them sexy.

The issue that came across my mind was: why is it so skinny, why it has bright skin color, small eyes, sharp nose? I don't think the characteristics of these puppets match the common appearance of Javanese women. Was it the ideal shape? Was it the dream of any woman; even since hundred years ago? Was it because the raise of wayang was in the same time line when the Dutch colonized the country? Was it the picture of the beautiful mistress?

Anyway, if I keep talking about it then we may need to discuss it with some experts from the social-culture major. Let's just go back to the sexiness:


Forget Jessica Alba :p

to keep me sane

wrong

I drew this old chinese style ornament with a mindset that the pattern was the same on each side. So I confidently mirrored every line. After finishing the sketch, I looked back to the ornament and guess what: it is not a simple mirrored pattern; which makes my sketch inaccurate.

Isn't it what we always do in life? Simplifying seems the best way to digest the problem, finally solving it. But is it the way things work? What about doing something that is already wrong since the beginning? Can we really undo ourselves as the computer does?

a house without drawings

"This house was made without drawings! I myself built this," he proudly said. He's no architect. He's no contractor. He's the stone man, a worker. You probably can not see the beauty of this house from my sketch for my style in drawing lines, but this house is really a good one; it's a big house but humble, earthy colors, green garden, big windows. Seems comfortable, and livable. The stone man himself made this house without drawings.

A very big failure for you, hey architects, if you're bluffing arrogantly with pride -because you may not be smarter than this stone man. He doesn't need to become a professor, nor the PhD. He knows how to create a livable house with his trained skills of building, and he just did. He doesn't talk as if he knew everything; the one that architects do.

1987

the antisocial

Yes. I was that excited. The vision to do sketch hunt at Kota Tua Jakarta seemed fun; I didn't predict the heat of the day.

Me and my friend, Novel planned to do a kind of hunting. Sketch hunt for me, photo hunt for her. We agreed to meet at the railway station's A&W -the all American restaurant :D. While waiting for her to come, I tried some sketches of the station.

It was very crowded, and I did the wrong proportion:


while the right proportion is this [I stretched my sketch haha]:


Soon after Novel arrived, we went to Museum Fatahillah's front yard. Unfortunately, it was the brightest time of the day, I guess. The glare of the sun dazzled our eyes. So..... I didn't sketch Museum Fatahillah. Instead, I did Museum Wayang and it's neighbors, under the tree.


And soon, we moved to the nearby Cafe Batavia. A luxurious one, actually. And we can't afford the meal :p



and I did a pointless drawing:


Then we went to Plaza Indonesia before it's too late hehe. I mean: before the work hour was over, avoiding the crowd of the commuters. To be honest, I didn't really know, what were we going to do at PI. Well, we did have an appointment with some friends, but I just don't understand the objective of this meeting. Also the composition of the attenders.. was just weird.

So we arrived at PI, find a place to eat and sit, then heard the other customers' very loud conversation.


Then we moved to Canteen. Which doesn't look like a canteen. I enjoyed the food, but didn't enjoy the meeting heeeee.... peace, everyone :D

the unfinished sketch

I was accompanying my mother and her friends to PGI Cikini Hospital, to visit a family friend who got stroke last night. As usual, I stole sometime to sketch. The hospital's area is constructed by a group of interesting old buildings that I believe, had changed function in many times. Unfortunately, the visit wasn't long enough; letting the unwell friend to have proper rest time. So I was failed to finish my sketch. However, I tried to do some 'finishing' using black and white watercolour:

happy new year

Thank you, dear neighbors and surroundings, for letting me see your beautiful fireworks on this new year's eve. And if you did go out to see the full moon.. damn. Should've been outside more often during new year, I guess. How I've missed a lot of fireworks these past years. Happy 2010.