life crisises

If you are in your mid 20s, physically fit but you feel like you're emotionally unstable, mentally distracted, intellectually disrespected, financially insecure although you know you aren't that bad but anyway everything just seems wrong, then you are in your quarter life crisis. And if you think this situation is truly depressing, try mid life crisis.

His name is Pak Samiran, aged early 40s. He is in the army, but doesn't serve as a soldier -you know, the war and weapon things. Instead, he serves as a driver. Not a tank driver as you might imagine: he's just a driver; a driver of someone whose position is way much higher than him. Which means, he drives for his master's wife, children, and also friends of children -now that, includes me. And this was what happened:

Due to my best friend's wedding, I needed to take care of everything entrusted to me, but my friend insisted that I should not drive. So I ended up being a passenger of the committed driver, Pak Samiran. Two days were really enough for me to know general things that matters to him. On his age, he feels embarrassed about his job, which was why he tried his fortune to level up his position in the army, which he failed.

Not that being a driver is a bad thing, but we never really know what's inside someone's mind. He might not be aware that everybody else might be very thankful to have a driver like him. For him, he's just another looser. And he continued to sigh and told me his worries over his life, although he endlessly tried to accept whatever he got. Then he started to compare himself to other people who has succeed (mostly financially) in her/his relatively young age, and told me when he was at my age, he felt the most happiest since he was still single, free, weightless and reckless.

Despite his sadness and anxiety, he reminded me to not only look up, but also look down. You may feel so unfortunate but you have to realize, that hundreds or thousands people aren't luckier than you; they may even be poorer and pitier. So be thankful anyway.

I figured out, he's in a severe mid life crisis. And I foolishly thought being 20something is hard enough.

So, say hi to mid life crisis, I guess, some twenty years later.

January 1st, 2011

Hello, Mbak Wanda.

I found it amazing how the days guide us to meet certain, specific people; and it becomes more amazing to know that they are the really right persons to help us keep our life going.

We were in the same high school, also the same university, and nobody will understand why we met and became friends only a couple years ago. I can not explain neither why the quality of our friendship feels like home, at least for me. It is like finding an old buddy with whom I grew up together, although we didn't; a friend who won't change and accept me whoever I am, however bad I am. The friend who made me believe that blessings do exist. All these somehow changed my perception on time and life.

And I still have no idea how I ended up working together with your 'real' old friends, the ones that you call 'your inner circle'; the really best friends of yours. I am honored that you trust me for the big things on your big day.

Happy wedding Mbak Wanda and Mas Suryo. Happy starting a new family on a new year. From now on, you are no longer a wandering 'flying kid'. You are grown up. You have soared into the air, sharing goodness to your surroundings, and I do hope they go back to you and your future family.

I have a good feeling about this year. Hopefully.

Have a wonderful life :)

P.S.: this is the scenic view from room 844 you've requested to tag.

welcome 2011

*I supposed to post this yesterday, but the lame connection on new year's eve and a very busy day on January 1st delayed the greeting.

Happy New Year.

P.S.: it's one of the neighbor's firework.

a little talk to myself

Last new year's eve, I thought that 2010 would be just another year. I had no idea 2010 would be a complicated one, and to be honest, I kinda feel overwhelmed. My careless mind sometimes think, what I've been through this year maybe more than another 23 years of my life, compiled into one. Too many bad news, ironies, life intrigues, mood changes, all went together with good news and hopes. I saw a lot, I learned a lot, but I realized that all these things may not be the biggest. Still, I haven't seen that much, and should learn more.

2010 goes really fast. I'd like to think, that these are another phase of life; a timeline which let me experience the world out there, accompanying me to grow older and wiser to finally live my own life maturely.

merry christmas

sketch another way

a raincoat

Someday, in a very heavy rainy season, you need a raincoat. You know someone who sells raincoats, telling you that she has any kind of clothes you need. You waited for days and suddenly she came out with a statement: "sorry, I don't have the raincoat. Would you like a jacket?" Tempted with the good design of the jacket, and a consideration that a jacket will also warm and protect you from the rain, you bought it. Guess what? It doesn't protect you from heavy rains.

You still need a raincoat.

20.10.2010

surreal

How does it feel to read this horrible news? And what if it happened to someone you know? What if you had to witness his dead body for the last time in its most terrible, unexpected shape just to make sure it was him?

How does it feel to be his friend? Family, parents and brothers?

I feel surreal. And dizzy.

visual note-taking

rest in peace

The funny thing about having so many relatives is that you won't recognize all of them. Once you gather, you'll be confused: who is who, which cousin is what, which in law is who, who is that? More over, once you met them again one day after years, you will fail to track the who-ness of who.

My cousin passed away last Friday and you will be surprised to know that she's 61. I'm 23. She was my cousin.

Rest in Peace, Mbak Nanik.

greeting cards

So these are probably the cutest things I've ever done in my life. And that birthday card was not made for a 5 years old little kid. It was in fact for a friend whose age is almost twice mine.

untitled

You know, sometimes we have no choice in living our days. Or, if there's any, then it may be a trap -at least it's what my cousin said; and I personally think she's true. So, with some other events that happened some previous episodes ago and some changes that distracted your faith you've been building the entire life, you may be cursing now. You're trapped in things you don't want to do, and you don't know how to sail your boat through this ocean of junks -which are things you once respected back then. You no longer believe in originals, for you've figured out that what they claimed as originals are actually not; you begin to do everything soulless. And while you're stiff-stated, suddenly you hear something you don't know how to react to. Should you be happy? But that would be very mean. And if you'd give your sympathy, it wasn't really from your heart. Oh.. the world.. It's always a soap opera, isn't it? Then you stop cursing. But you're not in peace anyway. Not yet. And this post isn't about architecture.

I am rambling now *dizzy head*

dirgahayu

"Dirgahayu Indonesia,

bangsa serta alamnya."

-Indonesia Negaraku (A. Simanjuntak)

I grow up with them

I've been living here in my neighborhood for nearly twenty years. I grew up walking the streets, watching my neighbors renovated their houses, seeing those kids who played in the field changing uniforms from year to year, and noticing the trees grew bigger. A friend said that those trees also surely noticed me grew, as I went to school everyday passing them, biking as a kid and sometimes driving as a grown up - which is true, I guess.

The Abduction of Shinta

Rama and Shinta were a pair of lovebirds who voluntary exiled to the earth from their kingdom, Ayodya. They were also escorted by Rama's faithful brother, Leksmana. While on earth, comforting each other from the sorrow they felt, they saw a lovely golden deer playing around. Shinta was fond of the deer, asked Rama to catch it. They had no idea that the deer conspired with the bad Rahwana who had always been wanting to kidnap Shinta, taking her as his lover.

Then Rama left, granted his wife's wish to search the golden deer. Leksmana guarded Shinta while Rama was away. Suddenly Shinta heard Rama's voice, screaming for help. The worried Shinta unwisely asked Leksmana to find the voice, thus save Rama. Concerned about Shinta's safety, Leksmana made a circle shield around Shinta before he left, not allowing Shinta to get out from it.

While Leksmana was also away, Rahwana came to abduct Shinta. He failed twice, bounced by the shield. Knowing Shinta's good heart, Rahwana then disguised as a poor man begging for a sip of water. Soon as Shinta left the circle, she figured out it was Rahwana now taking her to his place. The hopeless Shinta dropped her jewels so that Rama would find her.

Learned that Shinta had gone, Rama wouldn't say a word to Leksmana. He thought his brother was being careless or worse, didn't fulfill his obligation to protect Shinta. However they managed to find Shinta's dropped jewels and promptly followed the trace.

Meanwhile, Jatayu, Rama and Leksmana's loyal bird friend saw Shinta who was in danger. Jatayu tried to save her, fought Rahwana with all his power. He failed. The severely wounded Jatayu was found by Rama and Leksmana, told them what was happening and pointed the way to find Shinta. Then Jatayu died.

The angry and heartbroken Rama met a group of monkeys led by Sugriwa, the prince of apes, who were willing to help him, if only Rama would kill Subali, Sugriwa's twin. Rama agreed. The monkeys fought against Rahwana, and Rama arrowed Subali to death.

And then Shinta was Saved.

the reconstruction of Candi Sewu

travel sketches

six years after

I never really know how it feels to grow up. Maybe I'm not even the same person anymore.

Pics: four years old [left] and now ten years old [right] little brother. Grow good, dik :)

the international, finally

It was April 25th, 2009, I fell asleep watching the movie.

While I finally fully watched it on DVD -thanks to Bude Ellisa- I still didn't really get it. Too many characters and the story is really political. Hence, I read the plot on wikipedia.org and figured out that the main idea of this movie is simpler than what I thought. And it's true that the movie contains so many architectural scenes.

"Well, this is the difference between truth and fiction. Fiction has to make sense." - Wilhelm Wexler