on God

I believe that God is how someone has faith in God. I also believe that someone’s God is driven by the human’s likes and dislikes. I believe that human herself/himself decides which type of God she/he would like to praise. Or even more, human creates the God she/he wants to believe in.

A professor said that objectivities don’t exist. Nothing is actually right. There are only inter-subjectivities. Only things that a group of people have agreed. In other groups, there will be other agreements. Note: This professor has a religion, doesn’t mean he believes in God.

For my Christianity, I know one God. Since I was born, there’s only this one God. Underline that ‘know’ is not the same with ‘recognize’, moreover, ‘love’. Frankly it’s not me who chose to know this God. It’s inherited from my parents and their religion. As my age staged up, I know other God. My friends’ Gods. I also getting to know how people think about God differently although they have faith in the same God [read: same religion].

Few months ago, I was in a team for an event. My friend made me join the team, but I barely knew what kind of persons I would meet. I soon discovered that I met extreme persons; people with extreme vision of God. They shouted when praying. No. They screamed when praying. Like ordering God to do what they wanted. In their prayer, they cried, still with loud voice. Praying times were hard for me because I don’t know [or I don’t want] that God, and I’m not comfortable with that. Their God doesn’t like cross-dressers. Well, I don’t classify myself as a cross-dresser but my hair is short [functionally because I have problems with my skin head so I better keep the hair short. And if you say it’s just my excuse, I’m saying this loud: because I just don’t like long hair. It’s me.] I dress whatever I’m comfortable with; and that means jeans, L-sized [men size] t-shirt [I’m a big human] and sneakers. So I’m boyish. And they just don’t like it. Also their God. Well they didn’t say it frontally to me, but it’s just the way they discussed things and the way they asked me to be ‘more girly’. They brought God with their talks. Their type of God doesn’t like differences, I assumed.

The God I knew in senior high was friendly. God would tolerate differences. It’s shown from my friends who literally loved to play, discuss, hang out, or do anything with everyone and treated everyone equally –we respected each other. This God was also peaceful. We prayed normally; no shouting, no over-clapping hands when singing, humble priests and so their sermons. To be honest, I like this God.

Ever you heard about the homosexual friendly church? Whatever the Bible says and however the people hate them, they believe that God Loves You Just As You Are! God loves them just as they are. The Bible might be misinterpreted. The people might dislike something outside their normal. But their God loves them anyway.

The types of God I’ve mentioned come from the same religion though. Which means the God is the same. It’s just the way God’s followers generate their God. This is the answer for me, how some groups would kill other people in the name of their God, while some people cursed their act despite the fact that they praise the same God. I’m not trying to judge here. This is just my understanding which probably is wrong.

However, I don’t find God in church. You know, the church is so full of people; and still, they’re only human. Just like you and me. However religious they are, the emotions and egos of human are still there inside the hearts. Instead of peace, there are fights. Though not physical, a fight is a fight. Some guys don’t like the others. Only a little miss-understanding will probably lead to something emotional. Gossips are there. I bet you’ll find this in any church. Conflicts are always there, though not necessarily big.

But I also believe that God creates every single thing in purpose, even if it’s a bad thing. And whatever happens to me are God’s blessings. Every single thing. Then I believe that I should give them back to God in return. I don’t seek anything else.

I believe God loves God’s own creatures.

In the search of God. left: Bali 2006; right: Katedral Jakarta, 2009.

centhini

I owe a friend, Galih, a book review. So this is it Gal, I fulfill my promise.

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Centhini - Kekasih yang Tersembunyi
A book review that contains my own perception haha.. This will be very subjective. Sorry.

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Centhini was a servant. A faithful and loyal servant of her beautiful Princess, Tambangraras. Some said it was a big shame that this book of songs and stories was named after her. Some believed this was an honor for the truth that, on her wedding night, Centhini disappeared and nobody could find her; not even the three poets who wrote this book of songs.

Centhini - Kekasih yang Tersembunyi starts with a book [or song; in Bahasa Indonesia: tembang. Starts from now, I’ll use the word ‘song’] of family tree [silsilah] which explains the connections, relationships and reincarnations between all of its characters, men and women. Then it continues with other twelve books of songs: Perang, Penggembaraan, Minggatnya Cebolang, Terjadilah asmara, Empat puluh malam dan satunya hujan, Ia yang memikul raganya, Buku Kesembilan, Alih rupa, Dendang awan mencari matahari, Pulau Besi, Termakan and Nafsu terakhir. Each book of songs contains numbers of songs; 152 songs in total.

The main frame that builds the book’s story is the war between Sultan Agung, the king of Mataram, Central Java, with Sunan Giri who didn’t want to bow to Sultan Agung; God was his reason. After Sultan Agung won, the three children of Sunan Giri ran away from his land separately. Jayengsari ran away with his younger sister, Rancangkapti and a servant named Buras. Meanwhile, the eldest son, Jayengresmi was always on the search of his two siblings. Later in the book, Sultan Agung in the appearance of a very humble priest said to Sunan Giri’s eldest son that his father died because “he desired the greatness [blessings] of God a lot more than to serve God”.

Another parallel story in this book that goes on together with this war tale is about Cebolang, a very handsome -as beautiful as a silk young girl in appearance- boy that would make anyone men and women seeing him turned on [mostly sexually], the only son of Syekh Akhadiyat and Siti Wuryan. The story, again, is about a fugitive. Cebolang consciously and secretly ran away from his parents for his intolerable mistakes, full of this boy’s young blood’s desire; that he thought his parents and everyone would not be able to forgive him. He took his four best friends with him: Nurwitri, Saloka, Kartipala and Palakarti. The last two friends with flipped names had made a speculation that both were twins, or else, lovers.

Although the two stories seemingly don’t have any relation at the beginning, as the stories flow, we find out that some characters finally met - almost like coincidences; and that would make a complete, well written story.

Apparently, religion is a very important thing in this book. It happens because the book’s era was when Wali Songo; the founding saints of Islam, their child and grandchild spread Islam across Java. Poems, quotes and the words of wisdom mostly taken from the Quran, their holy book. Religion was always mentioned when the adventurers introduced themselves once they met other people on their way, and so did the strangers. Often they met someone with different religion, yet they respect each other.

Other major discussion in this book is sexuality. While Indonesian people nowadays mostly [pretend to be] allergic to this topic, the fact is: it’s openly discussed in plenty traditional or ancient arts and literatures; including in Centhini – kekasih yang Tersembunyi. Description, dialogues and poems often included sexual things, both physically and mentally. Even when the songs are not about human and his desire. Free sex and homosexuality –man on man, women on women- are among the usual topics in this book. It is so blurred that we will find the contradiction between their faithfulness on God and their sexual behavior. After someone did a sexual intercourse with someone else, whether this person is someone else’s wife, another male, other person that he rape, a horse or everything else, he prayed to God and God seems easily forgive him. The blessings of God never stop to this person. Now this is another clash of what we believe. What we [as modern humans] called taboo are widely told even in very obvious descriptions. The power of women also stands out in this book. Some songs telling that women are strong creatures, able to do complicated things and smart; although sometimes in very minor cases, the issue of gender appears as unfair.

With these two provisions: religion and sex, and despite the characters’ physical aims of adventuring [finding each other, true love, shame, etc] there was one true spiritual thing that each character seek: the knowledge of perfectness. It is accumulated at the end of their journeys as they always find some wisdom through every single battle, every name changing, or every time they meet others be it a saint, priest, king, farmer, widow, angel, etc.d

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How bout that Gal? You are strongly reccomended to give comment hehe. Happy reading everyone! Hope you don't get bored hahaha.