Wednesday, August 5, 2009

on God

I believe that God is how someone has faith in God. I also believe that someone’s God is driven by the human’s likes and dislikes. I believe that human herself/himself decides which type of God she/he would like to praise. Or even more, human creates the God she/he wants to believe in.

A professor said that objectivities don’t exist. Nothing is actually right. There are only inter-subjectivities. Only things that a group of people have agreed. In other groups, there will be other agreements. Note: This professor has a religion, doesn’t mean he believes in God.

For my Christianity, I know one God. Since I was born, there’s only this one God. Underline that ‘know’ is not the same with ‘recognize’, moreover, ‘love’. Frankly it’s not me who chose to know this God. It’s inherited from my parents and their religion. As my age staged up, I know other God. My friends’ Gods. I also getting to know how people think about God differently although they have faith in the same God [read: same religion].

Few months ago, I was in a team for an event. My friend made me join the team, but I barely knew what kind of persons I would meet. I soon discovered that I met extreme persons; people with extreme vision of God. They shouted when praying. No. They screamed when praying. Like ordering God to do what they wanted. In their prayer, they cried, still with loud voice. Praying times were hard for me because I don’t know [or I don’t want] that God, and I’m not comfortable with that. Their God doesn’t like cross-dressers. Well, I don’t classify myself as a cross-dresser but my hair is short [functionally because I have problems with my skin head so I better keep the hair short. And if you say it’s just my excuse, I’m saying this loud: because I just don’t like long hair. It’s me.] I dress whatever I’m comfortable with; and that means jeans, L-sized [men size] t-shirt [I’m a big human] and sneakers. So I’m boyish. And they just don’t like it. Also their God. Well they didn’t say it frontally to me, but it’s just the way they discussed things and the way they asked me to be ‘more girly’. They brought God with their talks. Their type of God doesn’t like differences, I assumed.

The God I knew in senior high was friendly. God would tolerate differences. It’s shown from my friends who literally loved to play, discuss, hang out, or do anything with everyone and treated everyone equally –we respected each other. This God was also peaceful. We prayed normally; no shouting, no over-clapping hands when singing, humble priests and so their sermons. To be honest, I like this God.

Ever you heard about the homosexual friendly church? Whatever the Bible says and however the people hate them, they believe that God Loves You Just As You Are! God loves them just as they are. The Bible might be misinterpreted. The people might dislike something outside their normal. But their God loves them anyway.

The types of God I’ve mentioned come from the same religion though. Which means the God is the same. It’s just the way God’s followers generate their God. This is the answer for me, how some groups would kill other people in the name of their God, while some people cursed their act despite the fact that they praise the same God. I’m not trying to judge here. This is just my understanding which probably is wrong.

However, I don’t find God in church. You know, the church is so full of people; and still, they’re only human. Just like you and me. However religious they are, the emotions and egos of human are still there inside the hearts. Instead of peace, there are fights. Though not physical, a fight is a fight. Some guys don’t like the others. Only a little miss-understanding will probably lead to something emotional. Gossips are there. I bet you’ll find this in any church. Conflicts are always there, though not necessarily big.

But I also believe that God creates every single thing in purpose, even if it’s a bad thing. And whatever happens to me are God’s blessings. Every single thing. Then I believe that I should give them back to God in return. I don’t seek anything else.

I believe God loves God’s own creatures.


In the search of God. left: Bali 2006; right: Katedral Jakarta, 2009.

10 comments:

novel said...

hmmm..

oke.

memang Tuhan tdk bisa ditemukan di gereja. He's (should be) everywhere. :)

gue juga rada kurang sreg, dai, sama ibadah yang terlalu 'gembira' dan terlalu 'sedih'..hehe.

dyah sihanani said...

'oke' terhadap apa vel? lo menyetujui apa?

hmm gue orangnya konvensional vel kl ibadah. sukanya yg sepiiiiiiiiii.... yaaa ky katholik gt deh hehe.

Boris said...

I believe in God.
I don't believe in church as an institution. It is now tainted.

dyah sihanani said...

I believe it is already tainted form the beginning Bo. soon as they named theirselves 'church'.

novel said...

menyetujui pemikiran lo tentang Tuhan.

gue sukanya beribadah yang mengena.. yang ga berlebihan.. :)

gue menganggap gereja sebagai salah satu sarana buat beribadah, karena beribadah kan bisa dimana-mana.. termasuk di dalam hati, hehe..

dyah sihanani said...

"gue menganggap gereja sebagai salah satu sarana buat beribadah, karena beribadah kan bisa dimana-mana.. termasuk di dalam hati, hehe.."

sangat setuju sekali :)

Henny Rattam said...

dai,,isn't this the subject once we ever talked about? you finally wrote it out,,hahhaha...
same here dai,,don't know why but lately I just no longer find God in church and even in its services,,and worse, I even don't find it's relieving anymore when I pray..
and speak about the conflict,,well in my church even the reverend once had a quarrel with one of the congregation members,,lol,,which happenned just before the service started...
lucu ga sih? jadi kalo gw pikir ibadahnya jadi terkesan munafik.

dyah sihanani said...

I think how we value God will be very different and personal Hen. If praying isn't relieving anymore, then maybe it's just not your way. I don't know... So many things happen, questions are there, often without answers. Our lives won't be the same anymore; including the way we know God.

cal said...

it's interesting how you addressed it as a "homosexual friendly" church. well perhaps my church (yg di ambasador) is one of them. well, the fact is my pastor said he's been involved in a homosexual ministry. and he did mention that issue pretty often in his preaching.

dyah sihanani said...

hoo.. gereja yg di ambasador gereja apa cal?
hmm it's just my perception, you know, yahoonews often makes this issue as headline these days. as seen on the phothographs, it's interesting how one group of church frontally protest its legalization for they mark it as 'sin'. on the other hand, a group of christians support this. I don't know.. just my opinion. I never know which one is right.